Real

The past few months have been so busy and I have been posting a lot of fluff on the blog. All important stuff-pictures of the kids, Lilah's stats, things about the new house...but I haven't posted a ton of "real" information.

This is mostly because I haven't had time, and partially because I have struggled with whether or not I want to post it at all because some of it has been pretty upsetting to me. Also because even though some of the things that have been going are really upsetting to me, they are nothing compared to what other people...people I know...have been going through, so really, who am I to whine?

But here goes nothing, I'm just gonna unload it and you can do what you want with it. So here's what's real. Or at least some of it.

Ruben doesn't live here anymore. I have cried more tears than I can count about this and I am still not okay. I don't know when it won't hurt any longer, but it still does and it's been, well, awhile.
Thankfully my parents have taken him in. I know he will be fine there. But I miss him.

Basically, he did this...

and he had to go.

I was afraid to post this because I don't want Brian to read this years later and think it's his fault. So, future Brian, if you're reading this Mommy doesn't blame you. It is my job to protect you and this was something we had to do to make sure you were safe.

BUT Brian also has to know that I am human. And I feel things like sadness. Ruben was my first child. I raised him like he was my child. And therein lies the problem. I will never make that mistake again. When we get a new dog...and we will someday, it will be just that. A dog. Not a member of the family. I can't trust myself to go there ever again.

Maybe having to remove a beloved family pet from the home seems silly to some, but it has been hard for me. Remember that I am still only 3 months postpartum, so it's been ridiculously hard truth be told.

And then there's the business of what's been going on with Brian medically recently. It all started when we saw Dr. Wiley, the Developmental Pediatrician about Brian a month ago. Again, I have struggled with putting this information out there too because of future Brian. But it's what's going on, it's real.

It's been a painful road that I won't go into, but I think we are heading toward an SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) diagnosis. Or maybe the diagnosis has already been made. This is unclear to me...can OTs diagnose? Because of these issues we have started OT (Occupational Therapy) once a week in addition to Speech Therapy weekly.

Of course I have tapped into many resource with regards to this...books, google and my aunt who has two boys with the same diagnosis. Brian falls under the category of Sensory Seeker, rather than Avoider, which is what most people think of. Avoiders are the people who can't touch certain things, can't be around certain smells, etc. Seekers want stimuli. Constantly. This list really sealed the deal for me.

Here are some things that you might see a sensory seeker doing:

• Spinning
• Climbing too high
• Climbing everything
• Crashing into things (people, furniture, walls)
• Mouthing/licking inedible things (furniture, toys, body)
• Chewing inedible things (clothing)
• Eating excessively
• Constantly wrestling (with siblings)
• Touching everything
• Playing with food
• Messy eater
• Overstuffing their mouth
• Eating spicy/hot foods
• Under-responsive to pain (‘shakes it off’ quickly)
• Dumping out toy bins just to look at everything
• Excessive sensory play (mud, water, soap, etc.)
• Jumping
• Pushing
• Loves running barefoot
• Chewing on their toothbrush
• Can’t sit still in their desk
• Falls out of their chair for no apparent reason
• Loves loud noises (turns up TV, battery toys against ears, vacuum.)
• Can’t monitor their own volume (you constantly say, “Stop yelling!”)
• Smells everything, even bad smells

This is not an exhaustive list, but it gives you a starting point.

The items in bold are the ones that apply to Brian at least in some form. I found this list here, a site by a mom with similar issues. She has actually published books on the topic.

Once I read this list I was really excited. I was like, this is it, this is what it is! And OT can help fix it! My cousin Chris said it best. He asked my aunt if something was wrong with Brian, because he had overhead us talking. She told him not really, but that he has some of the same sensory issues Chris had. Chris said, "Good, then he'll be okay, 'cause I'm okay." How is that children have faith when we don't? Love that kid!

So we've just begun OT. We'll see if it helps. I really, really hope it does.

And the final thing that's been bringing me down is that Brian is being evaluated by the county tomorrow to see if he qualifies for free public preschool. This should not be a bad thing. He will receive more speech and possibly more OT each week if he qualifies. This should be a really good thing. But I always envisioned my kids in Catholic schools. I went to Catholic schools. I have built my career around Catholic education. This is not to say that public schools don't produce great people. My parents went to public school. Several of my best friends are products of public schools. But, it's just not what I pictured for my kids. And that is hard for me. I don't do well when I don't get what I want.

I am the person who will always say, "what's best for one child, isn't what's best for all." I know that. I preach it. I know Brian would likely benefit from the help he would receive in the county schools. And I know it's freaking 3 year old preschool for goodness sakes. It doesn't have to be forever. My head knows all of this. Could someone please tell my heart?

Okay, I'm done now. For those of you who made it this far, thank you for reading this very, very long rant. I will go back to posted happy posts with pictures and fluff now. I promise. Except there may be a post very soon about red hair. I am getting to my breaking point on people's reactions to that as well, I'm not gonna lie. But other than that it will be fluff. Swear.

5 Days!!!

Just a quick update...5 days and Lilah will be here!! WOW!

Tuesday as doc day...

First up...speech therapy. Jess said Brian's best session ever. Unfortunately no speech next week...she has CPR training. Anyway, he is doing quite a bit better. Still not where he should be, but he's definitely improving!

Next...vet. Ruben got his drain tube out. It was one continuous tube, not two like I thought. I had to hold him while they clipped his stitches and slid the thing out. Yuck! He was shaking like a leaf, but otherwise handled it like a champ. He has to go back Saturday to get the rest of the stitches removed. Tonight is his first night with no canned dog food. We'll see how he does. He was not a happy camper when I filled his bowl with dry food. He finishes his antibiotic tomorrow. His wound is healing and itching like crazy. Yucky scabs are forming and falling off. Ick.

Last...my LAST OB appointment. Everything was right on track. I had them check me just so I could breathe a little easier knowing I wasn't going to go before Tuesday. I was only a finger tip dilated (such a gross term), so I left reassured. Whit came along and got to hear Miss Lilah's heartbeat! We walked into the waiting room just as the Casey Anthony verdict was being given. I guess that's an interesting, "where were you..." In an OB office that was dead silent because everyone wanted to hear the outcome. The receptionist was even holding up the phone to whomever she was making an appointment for so she could hear!

We also went to zoo on Tuesday to take flowers for Kimba and Tessa. Poor baby Zuri.

The rest of this week has been (and will be) just a whirlwind of getting things ready for Lilah. The preschool is in good hands, most errands have been run, tomorrow I will be packing for the hospital, Saturday we get our king sized bed....we're almost ready for go time!

I do have pics on the camera which I will upload and post over the weekend. I still have my 36.5 week belly shot on there and we will be taking the last one 38.5 (a little late) tomorrow! Time is flying!!

Health Updates

We picked Ruben up from the vet yesterday around 5p.m. He looks like frankendog, which is what they said he would look like. Both of his front legs are shaved, he is shaved from the top of his head to about 1/3 of the way down his back and around his entire neck. He has two drain tubes, one on either side of his neck and several stitches where the original injury, which is now the incision area, was. The vet found several more injuries upon further inspection. Bite marks on his paws and around his whole neck, bad bruising on one side of his neck/head, etc. The paws are because Ruben uses his paws like hands, and was likely trying to use them to defend himself. The bruising is from the dog bashing his head into the ground. Lovely.

They sent us home with antibiotics (10 days worth), pain meds and a collar (cone) just in case. We haven't needed the collar. He isn't eating much, but he's a night eater, so I am hoping that will change tonight. Last night he got chicken noodle soup, but I don't want him to think he will be getting that for the rest of his life!

Luckily he's not draining much at all so we are going back Friday to have the tubes removed. We have to go back toward the end of next week to get the stitches out.

He is pretty shaken up. He just wants to be held or lay around mostly, although he can be quite perky when he wants to be. We are staying at mom's today because we have a showing at the house so I have to walk him. He walks VERY fast which is not his normal pace. I sure he just wants to make sure he stays away from predators. Who wouldn't feel that way?

I'm sure his pride is wounded.

Brian was very upset to see Ruben all "fixed up" and really hasn't gone near him. The vet assistant talked to Brian about how he couldn't touch Ruben while he is healing because he could hurt him very badly. Brian either got it, or is just terrified of how the dog looks. Either way, it's made things easier on me.

Speaking of Brian, he had his hearing test today. He actually cooperated a little bit more today, which is good. I did not sit in the booth with him for the first time. It was my idea, but I was a nervous wreck not knowing what was going on. Basically his sound field test looked mostly the same as the last "good" test from last April. His bone conduction looked better. This probably means that his new tubes are doing an excellent job of keeping the fluid away. Yay!

They will retest in 6 months and see if he can be even more cooperative next time. One complication is that Brian has it in his head that he's supposed to open his mouth wide and say, "ahhhhhh" every time someone goes to examine any part of his face or head. I am thinking this may be a side effect from the dentist visit a few weeks ago. While really cute, it's definitely not a behavior that works well during a hearing test.

They wanted to schedule an ABR which requires sedation. The ENT had talked about waiting on this because he was so recently sedated (for tubes and adenoids) and I tend to agree. The ABR is not the best test-the booth is, so I would really rather avoid it if possible. We will just have to see how he does in 6 months and then decide.

We will also be visiting the developmental pediatrician (Dr. Wiley from 2 years ago) in August just to make sure we are on the right track with speech and that she doesn't see any other issues that need solving. It's just a part of the process at Children's. They always want to check from every angle-for which I am grateful!

So that's where we are with things. Ruben is healing. Brian's hearing is stable. I am still kind of a wreck about what happened to Ruben, but I will be okay.

Thanks for all of the emails and calls to check on Ru! And for weighing in on whether or not we should report the dog. Most people think we should report it, but wait until the bills are paid! I tend to agree.

Oh and we are just about done with doctors this week. I have to get a cavity filled tomorrow. Hopefully that will be uneventful!!

The One Where Ruben Is Viciously Attacked

Yesterday was a day for the books. It rates as one of the hardest days I have had in a long, long time.

The morning started with a visit to the OB. That was fine-thank goodness! My BP is fine, weight fine, her heart rate was good and I am measuring right on track.

At 1 we headed to Dr. Price's office for Brian's 3 year old well check. Brian was amazingly good. He stepped right up on the scale which he has NEVER done before. He weighed in at 38 pounds-94th percentile. He is height was a little trickier. He didn't understand why he had to put his feet up against the wall along with the rest of his body. Nurse Kim decided to measure him laying down and he measured 41.5 inches-99th percentile! Dr. Price thinks he'll be 6'2" or 6'3" as an adult.

After some confusion over his records, Brian was given a Hep B vaccination (this is where the day went sour). Upon arriving home and entering his stats in the baby book, I realized he had been given a 4th Hep B vaccination. They are only supposed to get 3. I called immediately and spoke with the nurse who was pretty sure it would not be harmful to him, but wanted to check with the doctor. I consulted the internet and text my Aunt Sarah (also a pedi). Google didn't find any ill effect and later Sarah assured me he would be okay as well. Whew!

At about 5 we decided to take Ruben on a walk. Brian likes to stroll the neighborhood and hold the leash while walking at a Brian pace (really slow). We were enjoying our walk...I was enjoying listening to Brian's speech-"Come on Ru, Ru!" "Sidewalk, Mama." I really just wanted to take a freaking walk with my dog and my kid.

Anyway, as you know from the title, things went down hill fast. As we turned the corner around the block I noticed a lady knocking on the front door of one of the neighbor's houses. I heard dogs barking inside and out of instinct I took the leash from Brian-afraid Ruben would bolt toward the dogs and Brian would be pulled over.

Never could I have imagined what actually happened.

A big dog (I recalled it as white, but have since been corrected-it was a brown boxer) ran out of the house, straight toward Ruben and before I could do anything had Ruben in the air by the nape of his neck. The owner ran out of the house and jumped on his dog, trying madly to pull the dog off of Ru. Brian was standing there in complete shock and horror while I pulled on the leash trying madly to help Ruben get free. The whole time I was screaming like a madwoman drawing 6-7 neighbors out of their homes to see what was going on. The dog just kept flinging Ruben into the air, Ruben was yelping, I was yelling major profanities at the owner and the dog-I really thought the dog was going to kill Ruben. I have never seen anything more violent in person in my life.

At some point the dog finally let go, the owner swept him into the house and we were able to get a hold of Ruben and check him. He had a pretty large puncture wound on his neck, but otherwise seemed okay. Of course somewhere in all of this our doctor called back to say Brian was not going to get Hep B. Are you kidding me?

Shawn had forgotten his phones, so I tried to call the work line with no luck. I called Mom and she flew over to my rescue. A neighbor got me the number for our vet, an ice pack for my fingers (have some pretty bad rope burn from the leash), and a bowl of water for Ruben. I called the vet and luckily our good friend Kate answered the phone. She said to bring him right in.

Somewhere in there I did get Shawn and he ended up meeting us at the vet. It turns out all of the skin on Ruben's neck was ripped away from the tendons, so he had to have surgery this morning. We left him at the vet last night, afraid that Brian would torture him here. The surgery involves 1, maybe two drain tubes that he will wear for 3-7 days. They will drain out onto the floor, so unfortunately he will be confined to the kitchen while he is wearing them. They also had to shave him from his ears to half way down his back. I just called for a status update and he is doing fine post surgery. I am sure the vet will elaborate on this when we pick up Ruben at 5.

The dog owner gave Mom his name, number and address last night, so I will be passing that along to the vet so he can cover Ruben's bills. We are still trying to decide whether or not to report the dog. What would you do?

Tell you what if it weren't for our beach vacation and the excitement of Lilah, this summer would really stink. Between the stupid health department banning our pool time and not being able to take a walk in my own damn neighborhood, I am kind of over it!

The good in all of this is that Brian stayed put. He didn't run away or into the street which would have made things much worse. I feel terrible that I couldn't protect him from seeing what he saw, but I am hoping that he is young enough that he won't remember. Also, I'm pretty much okay aside from emotional wounds and the rope burn, and Lilah is also okay. Ruben will be okay after some healing. Our neighbors came pouring out last night to check on us. The whole neighborhood knows what happened and they are all concerned. It's nice to have people who live nearby and have your back!

Please say a prayer for Ruben (if you pray for dogs!). I am sure he's going to have some pain and with the 4th coming up, he's going to be even more agitated now that he'll have healing to deal with on top of fireworks. Also, please pray that I can keep Brian a safe distance away from him! Thanks!

Ruben, Where Are You?

Brian's new post while Ruben is outside. He would rather be outside too, but it's raining...as usual.

A Day With No Nap

Brian did not nap today. Well, not for very long. 30 minutes at most. The following unfolded this evening. IMHO everything below is the result of his lack of napping.

Earlier, we were at the town centre tonight for dinner and decided to walk a bit. This is what Brian did every time he encountered a lamppost.



Every. Single. Post.

So, we are thinking he has picked up a bad habit from Ruben. We' ve been taking a lot of walks lately. Maybe he was marking his territory?

Or, maybe he is destined to be a pole dancer. Who knows?

Then at bath time, as soon as I put him in the water, he stood up, aimed, and peed straight ahead into the stream of water coming from the faucet. Great. So, we had to empty the tub, rinse him off, and start again.

Do you think he's ready for potty training?

Finally, I looked away for 20 seconds to wash my face (still bath time). When I looked back, my lovely child had the dog shampoo and was emptying it into the water. (Note: the dog shampoo will hereafter be stored in the linen closet.) SO, once again we emptied the tub and rinsed off. And bath time was declared over.

The end.

The Groomer

We dropped Ruben off to be groomed this morning. While we were waiting for "Aunt" Mary Ann to decide how long she would be keeping Ruben, a lady walked in with her dog and sat down. I didn't pay much attention to the lady, but as soon as she walked in Brian started chanting "baby, baby!" I said, "No Brian, that looks like a doggie to me." As we left I happened to look at the lady. She was about 9 months pregnant. Yep, "baby," was indeed an accurate statement!

Funny Little Guy

Brian has been up to some funny stuff lately. Yesterday we were eating M & Ms. He loves M & Ms! Anyway, we finished the package and he took of with the empty wrapper. I chased him to see where in the world he was taking it, but by the time I got into the kitchen, I couldn't find it anywhere. Know where I finally found it? The trash can! He's a smart one, I'm telling you!

Then last night I heard some commotion coming from our bedroom. Brian had found our HUGE plastic bottle that we keep change in and was attempting to drag it out of our room. When he realized he couldn't move it, he moved on to this HUGE bag of quarters that sits next to it. (They are separated because last summer I was trying to find a bunch of Kentucky quarters to send to Australia with Whitney...in case you were wondering)

Anyway, he dragged the bag into the front room, took some quarters out of it, and ran into his room. We found him standing at his shelf pointing up to his bank. Yep, he's a smart one. And a little miser apparently. I had to call my Aunt Norma. Our family has always laughed at her middle son's appreciation of money. I had to tell her that I am apparently raising another Andrew.

Brian didn't stop with the quarters. After Shawn hid those, I had to get our teapot from the kitchen (also full of change) and let him empty it, and then put all of THAT change in his bank. I finally convinced him to take a bath or I am pretty sure we would have been into my purse next.


Then this morning while I was checking email I heard Brian chanting, "Ball, ball, ball." I didn't think much of it until I heard a little thud. I looked up to see him landing (on his feet thank goodness) BEHIND the couch. There were two balls hiding back there and he felt the need to retrieve them. Luckily he couldn't get out on his own, so I was able to snap a few pictures before getting him out!
Finally, at lunch Brian was thinking he was pretty funny throwing all of his food to the dog. So, I sent the dog to his bed and cleaned up all of the food. Just when I thought lunch was over, Brian pointed to the fruit bar that was sitting on the table. I was pretty annoyed that he hadn't eaten very much, so I grabbed it and offered him a bite. He took a bite and then promptly spit it out and onto the floor for the dog to eat. And lunch was over.

Thank the LORD for nap time!

New Favorite

Ruben has been tolerating Brian much better since Brian started table food. More specifically since Brian started refusing to eat most table foods by throwing them on the floor. Recently he actually hangs over his high chair food in hand and waits for Ruben to appear before tossing the tasty treat. Due to this new found friendship, Brian has a new favorite game. He has figured out that he and Ruben can actually PLAY together. Here are some cute pictures of them doing so.

Are You Kidding Me?

This is how Shawn found us today. I suppose after 11 months Ruben has finally decided Brian is not so scary. At least when he's nursing. I swear I did not invite the dog up onto the couch. He came on his own. And I swore I wouldn't let Shawn take my picture while nursing, but who would believe me about this if he didn't? You can't make this stuff up!

11 month pictures will be posted soon :)

Today God Laughed at Me

Some people wonder whether or not God has a sense of humor. I don't. I know he was laughing at me today.

This morning Ruben came in from his morning potty break completely green from our freshly mowed grass. I told Shawn it was no big deal, I would just quarantine him in the kitchen until Brian's nap, and then give him a bath. Unfortunately for Ruben (and Mommy), nap time never came today for Brian. As hard as I tried, he just would not go to sleep. So, I made the decision to give Ruben a bath and let Brian "help." As traumatized as Ruben was by having a 10 month old scream in delight as I tortured him with his least favorite activity on earth, the bath went quite well. Brian was entertained, Ruben was clean, and I was pretty darn proud of myself. I figured it was quite the accomplishment given it wasn't too long ago that I wondered how I would shower each morning with no one here to help me! I was so proud that I emailed Shawn to tell him about the achievement.

Then God laughed at me. I guess I was too proud. Next time I will be more humble. Here's how I knew he was laughing...

Brian and I were downstairs switching the laundry around and I noticed a large wet spot on his jeans. Assuming that he had gotten wet during the Ruben bathing process, I pulled him over to me and started to remove the jeans. Big mistake. The wet spot was not just a wet spot. It was the saturated area where poo had leaked out of his diaper, and through his jeans. We're talking lots and lots of poo. Monumental amount really.

So I ran upstairs with him to the changing table to start the clean up process. Now, Brian doesn't stay still these days when he gets his diaper changed. It's a fight on a good day. Today it was a colossal struggle. By the time I had removed all articles of clothing from my child there was poo everywhere...his two onesies, his sock, his shoe, his jeans, his changing mat, all over his trunk, back and legs. Everywhere.

So, as I'm sure you've guessed, Brian got a bath today too. Ruben did not help :)

Change Your Clock, Change Your Battery

This weekend we set our clocks forward for the beginning of day light savings time. I hate loosing an hour of sleep, but I love the extra daylight at the end of the day! I'm also hoping that the extra hours of dark in the morning will help Brian Thomas learn that sometimes it's okay to sleep past 7:30!

We changed out the smoke alarm batteries as well today, since you're supposed to do that along with the time change. One of the alarms went off when Shawn put the new battery in and Ruben came running for his mommy! Even though Ruben's afraid of Brian, I guess the fear of the scary noise outweighed his fear of the scary 8 month old today. Here's a picture of the way Shawn found us when he had finished changing out the batteries.

Puppy Love

For those of you who don't already know, my son is in love with my shih-tzu. I first noticed this one day when Lauren was visiting. Brian broke into uncontrollable tears for no apparent reason. After checking him for signs of hunger, wetness, pain, sleepiness, etc., we finally deduced that the crying had been a result of Ruben ignoring him. Brian had been sitting on the floor in his room trying with all of his might to get to Ruben, or at least to get Ruben's attention. However, no amount of cooing would persuade my stubborn-ass dog to pay attention to the poor child.

This puppy love has continued since that day. Brian thinks Ruben is hysterical. Rather than being afraid of Ruben's barks, Brian laughs uncontrollably whenever he hears the shrill sound. And if Brian is lucky enough to be within reachable range WATCH OUT RUBEN because Brian has grabbed of Ruben's tail quicker than you can say ruff!

All of this is pretty sad considering that Ruben wants nothing to do with Brian. Ruben has adjusted to Brian being in the house in that he keeps a safe distance, and basically ignores the baby whenever possible. He is still not over the fact that he's not my only baby anymore. It's so bad that we've even tossed around the idea of getting a puppy so that Brian will have a dog that actually pays attention to him to play with. This is most likely NOT going to happen :)

Since Brian has this unwavering affection for Ruben, I decided it would be to my benefit to use Ruben as my assistant when doing physical therapy exercises with Brian. Since Brian's neck is tight, we have to encourage him to look to the left as often as possible. He even has to lay on the exercise ball and practice pushing up on his arms while looking to the left. So, I make it a point to position Brian so that he has to look to the left to see Ruben in any situation. Ruben enjoys this because he gets played with more often as my usual tactic for keeping Ruben to Brian's left is to throw a toy to Brian's left over and over again.

Some dogs are trained to be seeing eye dogs. My shih-tzu is a physical therapy dog! Here's a picture from last night of Ruben assisting. He's looking up at the ball I am holding over his head. Thanks to Lauren for getting this shot!

Snow Day!

The weather men finally got it right! Northern Kentucky got dumped on last night...lots of beautiful SNOW! And Brian's first real snow!! Now I know that the people who had to drive in this mess (Shawn included) probably aren't as excited about it as I am, but since my kiddos are out of school today I have no babysitting duty so I get to play!

I couldn't resist taking some pictures of Brian out in the snow, so I put on his big brown snow suit and we headed out back. Ruben came along as well. I measured 6 inches with my ruler before Ruben stole it. Here are some pictures of the experience. Note that Brian is mostly just looking at Ruben or looking at me like I'm nuts. There's a half smile in one of the pictures, maybe two. He really hates being bundled up, so don't blame the snow for the expression on his face. Also, he can't really sit up in the snow suit, so he was a bit uncomfortable in most of the pictures!