FEBRUARY 29, 2009

The above date doesn't really exist, since this year isn't a leap year. It's strange because it's the anniversary of my Grandmother's death. Not that that's something to celebrate, but it seems weird to have no date to commemorate it. I remember my mom quipping that she told Grandma in hospice, "Mom, if you hurry up and do this, we'll only have to remember it every four years." Mom wasn't being mean, she was just pointing out a way for Grandma to make things easier on all of us. As it turns out, Grandma (and God) decided to grant this request.

Grandma wasn't one for making things easy on anyone in her later years. She suffered from bipolar disorder, and her states of mania and depression were long and complicated during the last few years of her life. It was because of this that we moved her here, to Northern Kentucky, where we could help to manage her swings. Even though she made things complicated on more than one occasion, I will always be grateful that we moved her here. We were given extra time with her that we never would have had living 7 hours away.

I was in my second trimester of my pregnancy when it became apparent that Grandma wasn't going to be around to see Brian Thomas. We always knew her kidneys would fail eventually due to the harsh medications she was on to manage her illness. I don't think any of us were prepared for how quickly it happened, but I'm sure we would all agree that we're glad she went quickly and relatively painlessly. She was in hospice a little less than a week.

I'm one of those people who has accepted death as a part of life, so I try not to get overly emotional when it happens. Being so far along in my pregnancy, I wanted to avoid being upset, for the baby's sake. Aside from the minor incident in the downtown parking garage, I did pretty well with this. I did think a lot about the things I would miss about Grandma. And, now, as the anniversary of her death approaches, or doesn't rather, I thought I would post about those things...the things I wish Brian could have known about his Great-Grandma. She knew he was coming and had even seen the ultra sound pictures. I know she would have loved him as completely as she loved me.

Here are the things I want Brian to know about his Great-Grandma:

*She LOVED animals just like he does. She loved them so much in fact that she fed the outdoor ones daily. I remember watching the raccoons she fed on my many visits growing up. And many of you are familiar with the "shoe" story!

*She could make anything magical. One time when I visited she was so excited to show me the new bridge that had been constructed in their trailer park. I felt like I was crossing over into Terabithia by the time I finally saw it because of her amazing ability to make anything seem special.

*She toasted crackers to "freshen" them. Brian will probably never get to eat Grandma's crackers from the orange tupperware container she used to keep hers in, but he'll certainly get to try the crackers made by his own Mom. I have the "recipe" memorized!

*She always read to me. My favorite was "Mumpsy Goes to Kindergarten." It's still at their apartment, waiting for me to bring home for Brian. I've already read it to him and even though I don't read it as well as Grandma, I'll be carrying on that tradition with him.

*She always kept a flashlight by her bed, and she made sure any visitors had one too. It was her way of making sure everyone felt safe before bedtime.

*She was very, very vain about her hair! I remember her pinning her hair every night when I was young. When she got older, she started going to the beauty parlor weekly to have her hair "set" and permed bi-monthly. She went to my stylist, Becki, and absolutely loved her. Becki was quite entertained by Grandma as well! I'll never forget my role in the funeral preparations. Who knew I would have to ask my hair stylist to style Grandma's hair one last time? Weird!

*She always smelled wonderful. It was the pink soap that she used. She used it because she loved it, but she always kept an extra bar around for my visits because she knew how much I loved pink.

*She loved her husband more than anything in the world. The two of them together were the picture of adorable. She lit up around him when she was well. Brian knows what it's like to love Grandad in that way. He lights up when Grandad walks into a room just like Grandma used to.

I could go on and on, but I'll stop here. I loved my Grandma and even though she's missed here on earth, I know she's in a place where mental illness doesn't exist, and where she can watch over her family and keep us safe. Brian Thomas didn't get to know him Great-Grandma, but he will always know about her.