Incredible

This week has been incredible. That's the only word I have to describe it. Lilah's birth was surreal. We were bumped back by many, many, many emergency situations. We waited forever to finally go into the OR. We were even wheeled into the hallway at one point only to be sent back because of another emergency! A procedure that was supposed to happen at 3:30p.m. didn't begin until around 7:30p.m. It was beyond frustrating. We tried really hard to keep it in perspective. Bad things were happening to the other families. The worst thing that was happening to us was that I had not eaten since 6:30a.m. Not the end of the world!

By the time I was finally in the OR getting my spinal/epidural mix I couldn't even believe it was finally happening. Everything went very fast. I remember feeling very nauseous several times during the surgery, but otherwise it wasn't bad. The anesthesiologist was amazing! He kept me very comfortable and even took pictures of Lilah as she emerged from my belly. The doc was hilarious! He even made sure to tell us he had his text book ready before he started cutting. Great!!

I remember the OR was very bright and almost seemed futuristic. Shawn was too funny in his scrubs! The nurse made sure to tell him to leave his clothing on, as many Dad's strip down completely and put on the paper scrubs. Not pretty! He and I both thought this was hi-lar-ious! Could have been all the waiting...

The surgery was quick and painless and it was just amazing to see her for the first time. I was panicking because she didn't cry right away, but Shawn said, "hold on they are just suctioning her," and before I knew it there was her holler!!


They took Lilah to my left to weigh her and get her cleaned up. Shawn went with her at my insistence and kept me posted while taking pictures. I was crying and asking all kinds of worrisome questions...how many toes, how many fingers, etc. It didn't hit me until she was born how terrified I had been that something would be wrong. It is amazing to have gone through all that we went through with Brian and then to follow it with a perfect birth this time around. What a relief.

Our second huge relief came the next afternoon. Father Jeff had come by right after we arrived in post-op the night before to bless Lilah's ears in preparation for her hearing screening. He was quite proud of himself actually because he got to hold Miss Lilah before anyone-even my mom! He won't let her forget that, I'm sure! We were very grateful to have him with her in her first hour of life. Not many healthy babies get that kind of opportunity.



I had told the night nurse that if there was any possible way to go ahead and screen her hearing without me knowing, that would be their best best in keeping me calm. She said the would probably wait until Thursday morning because they like to wait 24 hours, so I just assumed that would be the case. I intentionally did not turn in the paperwork for the screener because as much as I wanted it over with, I wanted to make sure she was fluid free to avoid a false positive.

Mid afternoon on Wednesday, and audiologist from Children's came in the room and very nonchalantly informed me that the screening had already been completed and Lilah had passed. I burst into tears. I'm not sure she was expecting my reaction, and I'm not sure anyone in the room was either. All I can say is that I experienced a tremendous relief that Lilah's hearing is okay and a huge amount of grief that Brian's truly could have been prevented (and is almost certainly not genetic) all in one breath. It was a lot to take in. It still is. Shawn was not there, so I had to tell him later over the phone. He was also very emotional. It's very hard to explain all that we have been through with Brian. I think that those who were with me when the news was delivered were offered a glimpse of that and I am grateful to them for having been there with me and for meThe emotions continued as the week progressed. Thursday was the icing on the cake. As Whitney already described in her previous post, Brian's love for Lilah has been so evident and so overwhelming this week that is has just been breath taking. No one could have prepared me for how wonderful he has been. He is truly the best big brother I could have hoped for and Lilah is very lucky to have him.

Every nano second that I spent worrying about him and how he would take all of this was for naught. I should have trusted in my child rather than the unkind words of strangers and well-intentioned, but sometimes upsetting words of friends and family. I should have heard the reassuring words instead. Lesson learned. One strangers words stick out to me. "I love my children and they love me, so they love each other. That's just the way it is." Yep, that's just way it is. And I couldn't be more proud.

My recovery has not been easy, but it has been much easier than my recovery with Brian. I feel really great. I am still generally "out of it" a lot of the time as I am continuing to take pain meds to keep feeling great. I have begun to stretch out the times between doses though, and I have been still feeling really great. Sleep is still a major issue, but I can live it that if it's the worst thing I have to deal with.

As always the support of our family and friends has been overwhelming and very much appreciated.

We will never be able to appropriately thank our sister in law for her around the clock care of Brian this past week. Teri, we are forever in your debt and we love you. Your care of our little man was the most precious gift you could have given us last week. You will be, and already are a wonderful godmother to Lilah. Both of our children are very lucky to have you in their lives. We all are.

My mother gave up most of her sleep last week so that Shawn could stay at home and get some and so that I could actually sleep at the hospital. (Shawn's snoring had me up most of the first night.) She was happy to do it-and to get the bonding time with Miss Lilah-but it was still a major amount of sleep lost that can never be regained.

Our friends and family have visited, called, sent text messages and emailed-always checking in to see what we needed and that we were okay. Thank you!

It's hard to believe that Lilah will be a week old tomorrow. Brian has continued his mature and appropriate behavior in each and every interaction he has had with her thus far. I know it won't always be perfect, but for now it is, and I'm enjoying it.